The Audacity of Dope(s)

In case you’ve been living in a cave for the past year, we’ve just concluded one of the most vile presidential election seasons in recent human history. Lots of name calling, hate spewing, riots protests, and violence has blossomed like dandelions across the country as Donald Trump won the electoral college vote to become president*.

But here’s the rub. Hillary won the popular vote by about 2,000,000 votes (~64,100,000 to 62,200,000). And she lost the Electoral College vote to the tune of 290 to 238 (if Michigan goes to Trump, the results will be 306 to 238, supposing Jill Stein’s dumbass ploy of calling for a recount in 3 swing states on behalf of Hillary Clinton yields the same electoral results as were announced by officials on the night of the election…).

So, by the numbers, Hillary ‘won’ and got drubbed. She conceded the election the morning after (talk about a pill!) and liberals and progressives collectively went into a catatonic state at the sheer ‘madness’ that started using their safe spaces to hide corpses and stolen entertainment centers.

‘How could anyone vote for that racist, sexist, misogynistic, xenophobic, hate-filled…’, I think you get the gist of what they were trying to say. It’s like the entire world had failed to observe that most holy of Liberal-Progressive tenets: “Thou shalt worship mine unjustifiably inflated ego and give me what I want: safe spaces, organic farm-fed gluten-free cookies with all-natural soy milk, and a president that says nice things all the time.”

I don’t know about you, but I saw the signs before the election results started pouring in to media outlets with a bevy of social media posts that resembled something….like this:

“This election has been hard on all of us. No matter who wins tonight, it’s time for us to embrace what it is to be members of this great country and unite behind our duly elected President like never before! God bless/Good luck!”

Now, on the face of things, this seems like a well-intentioned call for peace, unity, and civility after a bitterly fought election season showcasing the worst of American society (or is there something more terrible behind door number 3?). But I saw a bit more than that. I saw an undertone of such breathtakingly deluded and arrogant self-congratulation and phony piety that it was alarming. And, strangely enough, all of these comments all seemed to originate from diehard Hillary supporters. Which seemed peculiar to me. Did they all get the same mass email? (Hope it didn’t get hacked!) Seemed suspicious to me…

Then the results started pouring in. And my ‘feelings’ of suspicion turned into ‘feelings’ that I should really start watching my Iron-y intake. Because overdoses hurt everyone.

Once it became fairly common knowledge that Trump was going to win the Electoral College and become President, those who posted those glorious calls for ‘unifying behind whoever won, no matter who it was’ turned into the most vicious and truly vile social media posters in Ages.

“All you Trump voters are a bunch of ignorant redneck, white trash, misogynistic, racist, scumbag bigots who f— your sister!”

Whoops. I used proper spelling and punctuation. Hold on…

“All u Trump voters r a bunch uv ignarunt Redneck wyt trash massagonistick raycist skumbag bigets…”

There we go!

As if the literary lashing out on social media weren’t enough, to quote the late television salesman Billy Mayes, “But wait, there’s more!”

This was followed by the streets erupting with people riots protests regarding the results of the election, making the claim that ‘Donald Trump isn’t Their President’, beating, harassing and shaming anyone who voted for Trump or isn’t demanding (or threatening to kill) the Electoral College delegates who are to vote for Trump, demanding that the Electoral College system be overthrown because the slightest majority of voters voted for Hillary instead, and, in one of the most audacious displays of dumbass-itude in the history of this country, have even made the case to secede from the United States (I’m looking at you, you East and West Coast dildoes).

And I’ll admit, all of these responses have brought me a great deal of amusement since they seem to be so poorly conceived and devoid of the fundamental understanding of the consequences of their ‘potential actions’ that it’s difficult to understand how these people haven’t used their toasters or hair dryers to heat their bath water at some point in their lives. I would say that I’m shocked by their responses but the same wannabe ‘revolutionaries’ got behind Hillary in the first place with the sole motivating factor being, ‘hey, at least she’s not Donald Trump! She’s got THAT going for her, Right?’ Every cause has it’s consequences, after all.

So, if you know of anyone who’s STILL adamantly advocating any of the above Idiot Actions, send them a link to this article because the following scenarios are likely to unfold should they continue.

‘Donald Trump isn’t MY President’

Actually, he is, or he will be. You lot were a bunch of arrogant dicks the last 2 elections when Obama won the presidency and you didn’t seem to care about the sheer level of corruption that was being orchestrated by the Democratic Party and Hillary Clinton for the past 8+ years leading up to this one.

Bernie Sanders would’ve won this election by a landslide and you even KNEW he was getting The Shaft by the Democratic Party and I don’t remember you batting an eye then. Sadly for you, not all of the country is populated by people who will ignore blatant greed and corruption of the magnitude displayed by your party or Hillary.

Hillary, the Democratic Party and The Media played you. Don’t be a butthurt baby, now. He’ll be your president. Deal with it. If conservatives lived through Obama, you can live through Trump.

This Election is an affront to Democracy! More people voted for Hillary!

Well, you’re an affront to your High School education, assuming you have one in the first place. America has never been a Democracy. It was designed and has operated as a Constitutional Republic for the past 240 years. Do you know WHY the founders didn’t want a Democracy? Because a Democracy is the worst form of governance on the planet. It’s glorified Mob Rule and mobs aren’t known for their overwhelming brilliance, level-headedness, their interest in The Big Picture, or their tolerance for minority or dissenting opinions. They’re basically cesspools of hatred, ignorance and indiscriminate violence…..kinda like what your little punk-bitch protests and social ‘causes’ have been for the past decade. You’ve been exposed for what you are.

Get rid of the Electoral college! It’s disenfranchised my vote!

Why? So you can disenfranchise the votes of roughly the same number of Americans that come from much more diverse living conditions around the country than you do?

Hillary won a nice chunk of what is collectively known as ‘metropolitan areas’. But she didn’t win them all. She resoundingly lost the vote in what cutesy political ‘experts’ call ‘rural areas’ ALL ACROSS THE COUNTRY.

*As an aside, why is it that in all the analyses on the election results that I’ve read online, there are always these surreptitious efforts to marginalize ‘rural’ views on the world by implying that being from a ‘rural area’ inherently makes one less knowledgeable about how this world works, less ‘sophisticated’ and ‘cultured’, and less knowledgeable about what’s best for this country/world? Do urban dwellers not realize that the Internet connects people to the entirety of human knowledge and culture and that rural communities have indeed acquired this ‘Internet access’ as well as Running Water, The Wheel, and Fire? They can’t be that ignorant, can they?*

ALL of the rural areas won by Trump are separated by distance, climate, culture, primary mode of income, and/or socioeconomic dynamics. Which means that Trump had a much broader appeal across ALL backgrounds than what Hillary had. She won over two demographics and they’re the most populous in urban centers.

***At this point, I’d like to take a quick 30-second timeout to discuss what these two groups are.***

I’ve spent an inordinate amount of time traveling this country and there has been the consistent theme that pops up when I’ve visited and people-watched in places like New York City. Dallas. Kansas City. Houston. Phoenix. Albuquerque. Baton Rouge. Miami. Denver. Branson, Missouri. You know, Big Cities.

To varying degrees, you’ve got a large chunk of white people who are terrified to be critical of anyone, especially those not of the straight, white male ‘persuasion’, so they insultingly pander to minorities to try and ‘prove’ that they aren’t racist or sexist by not holding anyone to any standards of civility or responsibility. Because doing such a thing is ‘inciting violence’ that is ‘likely to occur’ from those called to account for destroying what allows societies to continue. Which, ironically, MAKES those panderers racist (and sexist) by making separate standards that non-whites (and non-males) are judged by rather than accepting that Society only functions when EVERYONE accepts the same general constraints on behavior for the Greater Good.

Most of the ‘minorities’ I’ve met and chatted with on my travels in these cities roll their eyes at this Whiny White Abasement and go about their business. They know that these White people don’t understand them or their culture, that these White people don’t want to understand them or see them as Equals, and that these White people are completely ignorant of the realities of their world. But since these Crackers are largely harmless in their ignorance, minorities just tolerate this Honky behavior. (Tolerance is not the same thing as agreement, btw.) You rarely hear about these people because they already do what’s right. Who you DO hear from are the minority of the minority groups (minority2?) that blame others for the terrible consequences of their own actions.

And this is what you’ve got in a lot of Liberal metropolitan areas. Two general factions that constitute a majority: Whiny White bellyscrapers who have neither intellectual fitness or spine, who want to avoid conflict at all costs, and an exceedingly vocal and belligerent minority of minority groups who blame the world for their failures, who end up verbally berating and attempting to shame that White majority into capitulating on any and everything they want. And when that doesn’t make them happy, they turn to physical violence to prove………that their minority group shouldn’t be stereotyped as violent criminals…?

Yeah, I didn’t understand that either.

Next up and returning to the original topic:

I refuse to be part of such an intolerant, racist, misogynistic, hate-filled country (and I say this because those who voted for Trump have to be, otherwise, why would they have voted for Him in the first place?) so we should secede from the United States! I mean, come on! We have the 6th largest economy in the world**, we’ll be fine!

This is the funniest part, for me, about this whole situation. Because it’s so unbelievably lacking in anything resembling any kind of sense or understanding of the little realities of the world.

Here’s why:

The overwhelming majority of municipal areas that were Hardcore Hillary voters also have….*dun dun dun*…. massive gun control regulations, if not an outright ban on firearms! This should be fairly self-explanatory where this argument goes. You have nothing to defend yourselves with should someone decide to, idk…. Conquer California? (Catchy Slogan! We should do it!***)

You have riches, beautiful women and spineless, sissy, unarmed-boys-who-pretend-that-they’re-men. It’s perfect for pillaging and conquering! Who would stop us? It’s times like these that I curse the fact that I don’t have a private pirate fleet or my own elite para-military force! #1stworldaspiringdictatorproblems

Guess which areas have the highest gun ownership rates in the country. Go on, Guess! That’s right! Trump Strongholds who find your post (and prior) -election behavior childish in the extreme. The same folks who you’ve been shoving bullsh-t down their throats for the past decade under the guise of ‘tolerance’ and ‘acceptance’ and ‘progress’ (Progress towards what, exactly?). The same folks that you hope to disenfranchise in this election and install a morally bankrupt (but financially secure through her sale of U.S. government access and contracts to her highest private bidders) two-faced career politician/criminal who offered ZERO plans on how to address the needs and challenges this country faces during the election, as the president of this country. Hmm… That should end well.

Who would stop the ‘surely approaching waves of ‘violent’ rednecks with their guns’ who would respond to your efforts to void their votes? The cops? You mean the cops that you and Hillary have consistently spit on and defanged by celebrating and siding with criminals who have attacked and killed police officers through this election and beyond? You think they’re really going to give a shit about your safety and well-being when you’ve stabbed them in the back… repeatedly?

‘Nobly’ dying for assholes who hate you and all that you stand for is the worst kind of self-sacrifice imaginable. You’ve given them what they want and you’ve done it to keep them alive and ignorant of what you do for them.

With the ‘hordes of gun nuts ‘coming for you’’ in this next sexy Civil War, who’s going to stop them? The military? The same military that you’ve spit on and degraded as monsters for the past 50 years? The same military that Hillary has routinely disrespected, abused, and hung out to dry throughout her career? That seems pretty unlikely.

And look at that! Supposing your little ‘insurrection’ works, The United States of America still has military forces of such overwhelming number and strategic superiority in the area that the FORCED surrender of California would be immediate. You, as a foreign country, did not pay for those forces, their training, or their advanced weaponry, they’re property of the U.S. government. Which you’re not a part of!

So you have no standing military to repel invaders other than those beach bros who pump iron all day. Hardly a threat. Put up a couple of full length mirrors, a few protein shake carts and an urban terrain workout facility with plenty of free weights and that’ll take care of those meddling meatheads!

I’m not saying that the military will be used against you, I’m just saying that they aren’t obliged to protect you either. You’re a foreign nation that’s been directly antagonistic to the interests of The United States, remember? It’s just a little something to consider.

Then, we can talk about that little ‘economy’ of yours. Supposing your insurrection is successful and supposing the ‘rednecks with their guns’ are stopped by someone and the military doesn’t just institute martial law, then what? You have a ‘big, powerful economy that can fend for itself’, right?

Wrong. California imports 25% of its energy from other states (and that % is growing with the widespread drought conditions), with a yuge chunk of that energy coming from Arizona. A state that voted for Trump. As a state of this Union, that trade of energy is encouraged and maintained by the Commerce Clause of the Constitution. But as a separate country, those terms will be revoked/renegotiated. Expect to pay a great deal more to avoid blackouts. We have a budget to balance, after all. I’m sure you’ll understand… On second thought, basic math and accounting may be beyond you.

Then, there’s the fact that 11% of your economy comes from agriculture and manufacturing. And if your state/country is going to split based on who voted for Hillary and who voted for Trump, you’ve got a serious problem. Because the majority of your agricultural areas overwhelmingly voted for Trump, which means they stay with America. And a large chunk of that manufacturing is leaving those cushy Liberal Strongholds along the coast that voted for Hillary because high costs (thanks to your policies) are pushing them elsewhere. I hear the U.S. is looking to bring jobs back home to their country, I hope they give it some thought!

But wait, there’s more! Because those agricultural areas (the Central Valley), that you don’t get to claim sovereignty over, since, you know… they didn’t vote for Hillary, are also the same regions that act as a significant source for the Metropolitan Areas’ municipal water supplies. They’re no longer bound by your water rights and water quality agreements! Which means that you’ll get the same deal that Mexico has received from the U.S. regarding the Colorado River. Maybe less of a deal. (You should probably google that one, I’m much too handsome to do your bidding right now…and busy. But mostly handsome.)

You’ve been draining the Central Valley of its underground water supplies for quite some time (they’re called aquifers, btw) and, quite frankly, America needs to protect its OWN strategic water resources and agricultural production from hostile ex-state actors like yours. Which means that you can expect your shrinking water usage rights to vanish quite quickly! Now, tell me… How long do you think your cities could function without food….and water?

I can unequivocally state that property values will drop meteorically with no access to water and the loss of the interstate commerce that brings in the raw materials for most of your building efforts will ruin your construction and real estate markets. Means that another 5-7% of your economy is…..gone!

Since agriculture is gone, so goes your retail sector, taking another 5% chunk out of your economy. Or worse, you can expect the cost of food to skyrocket as the U.S. wages economic warfare on you for Abandoning the Union. Means all your IT companies are done. The rest of the U.S. is the reason why your tech industry has grown and does as well as it does. 8% of your economy… poof! Nowhere to be found!

What else is there? Oh. That’s right! As a no-longer part of this country and thanks to your odious burden on the financial sectors with high taxes, you can expect your financial services industries to move back to the Real United States to avoid paying those pesky higher taxes to fund a financially unstable ‘new democracy’. You’re looking at a financial disaster the likes of which have never been explored in any voluminous, theoretical evaluations known as ‘Blog posts’. (Seriously, I fact checked it! Politiquack and S-nope-we’re-a-bunch-of-liberal-hacks-pretending-to-be-legitimate-fact-checkers says It’s For Realz!)

Health and human services will be swamped though, with all the insanity associated with ‘creating a new national government’, so I guess there’s your area of economic growth? Granted, it’ll be because there’s widespread rioting, destruction of utilities and property, rampant violence, murder, mayhem, rape, hyperinflation, and massive illegal immigration from other douchebag liberal ‘strongholds’ who want to be part of a ‘liberal utopia’ that turns out to be nothing more than a perpetual waking nightmare. You know, the usual kind of stuff.

I expect that you’ll capitulate and beg for acceptance back into the Union in less than 2 years with an estimated death toll in the tens of millions resulting from complete anarchy, loss of water, exorbitant prices for food and energy, some sumptuous cannibalism, and the anticipated rupture of the southern limb of the San Andreas fault. I’ve watched your movies. I know how all this works.

Humanitarian efforts might be made but they’ll only be made after your egotism and petulance has gone on a serious diet and you’ve started addressing the world like responsible adults.

Which, had this occurred in the first place, wouldn’t have resulted in you making such poor decisions like voting for Hillary in the first place (after she and her cronies completely f-cked over Bernie Sanders in the Democratic Primary****), and then compounding it with you thinking you could ignore the will and concerns of the rest of the country because you’re a bunch of xenophobic, excessively sheltered crybabies who lack maturity, integrity, or even basic respect for people who don’t share your patently ignorant view of the world.

So, please…. Stop getting so worked up over Trump’s impending presidency. You’ve lost this election, people are tired of listening to your crying and tantrums, and we’d all just like to move on. You have a great deal more to lose by trying to force half the nation to keep kowtowing to your every whim than you realize. They might just realize that you serve no function whatsoever and move into the future without you.


***And for what it’s worth, I didn’t vote for anyone in this election. (My preferred candidate’s slogan is posted below.) I just like watching the entertainment. And you are providing it for free! Thanks!***

Yellowstone Super Eruption
Cataclysmic Asteroid Strike


Mass Extinction You Can Believe In!


*If the country survives to get to the inauguration.

**After the devastation, it’ll be a great deal less than that.

***I’m not serious about Conquering California, in case you were wondering. I’m also not advocating or saying that crazed rednecks are actually on the way to attack you. Don’t be a silly goose. (The rednecks are coming! The rednecks are coming! ooOOOOoooOOOoo!)

****It’s good to see that Bernie has become a completely spineless ass-kissing sellout who rewards getting stabbed in the back with the utmost of loyalty to an individual and party who has been unapologetically against everything he used to stand for in his political career. It’s heartwarming to see such ignorant and blind self-sacrifice for the common evil coming from an ex-moral authority. Looks like someone took those threats of impending future suicide seriously, didn’t he? Feel the Bern yet, Bernie? That’s because you wound up in Hell!


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